As a friend of mine put it, “Do a post about Disney: The empire that provokes girls to act like brats.” Here it is.
1. First, we’ll start with Cinderella. Now, why is the stepmother always evil? I mean, I get that she gets annoyed with Cinderella’s singing, but really people.
And her outfit at the ball. It’s nice, but it is sewn by mice and rats! What if she catches rabies? What if it’s three sizes too small? C’mon, people, be realistic.
2. Sleeping Beauty was asleep for over a week. She would have starved to death. And also, after some time, she’s have to have peed her pants.
And if someone smelled of pee, do you think anyone would kiss them? And against their will?
3. Pocahontas is very simple. She lives in the wild. With wild animals. One of these days, some of them will have rabies.
4. Snow White: Man, that must have been a hard name to live with at school. I know that if I were named Snow White, some kid (yes, I mean you, Danny) would have been difficult about it. Very difficult.
And why did she take food from strangers in the first place? I mean, seriously, people. No one’s that stupid.
5. The whole “Princess and the Frog” concept was fine before Disney turned it into a singing alligator who plays classical banjo, a talking frog, and a girl molesting a frog, then turning into one.
That, my friends, was the revelation of what Disney really is.